This anniversary morning came and we took no notice. The iphone reminded us: three years ago today, I dropped him off at Cedar Sinai hospital in Beverly Hills, California, where a surgeon would remove all 5 feet of his large intestine.
Life without a colon is not something you can imagine or prepare for. Forget what you read or what the doctors tell you. The only way is to simply endure the aftermath one day at a time and hope that it will get better.
The “better” part of our journey took two grueling years to come. But it’s here and we’re savoring it.
2016, the first year post surgery, of course, was the hardest. My husband slept on a yoga mat in our bathroom for weeks to avoid “accidents” since he had to go so frequently. He rarely left the house and NEVER unless there was a bathroom within a few minutes walk. He weighed a sickly 142 lbs on his 6 foot 1 inch frame.
Compare this to 2018. The scale reads a healthy 165 lbs when he steps on it; he falls asleep in our bed holding my hand; and boy do we venture outside the house now, even in the woods, even if there are no toilets. In April, we had a month long epic Mainland USA adventure. We flew to San Jose, California, drove (my husband at the wheel) four hours to Yosemite for a three-day 20-year wedding anniversary trip. We drove another four hours to San Francisco. From there, we traveled a whole day by plane to Jacksonville, Florida. We flew back to Long Beach, California, drove to San Diego and flew to Seattle for the last leg.
Last week, we were in Hong Kong! The week before that, in Japan.
Flying, driving, hiking! Three years ago, we didn’t know if these would ever be part of our life again. Yes! We are hiking, driving, flying! We’re living. Maybe even more so than before his surgery, although we traveled then too. The not-taking-it-for-granted adds so much to our enjoyment.
Life doesn’t always give you what you want. Yet, you can always choose to make the most out of what you get.
What we got was ulcerative colitis that was on its way to becoming cancer.
What we got was the medical advice to surgically remove the entire large intestine.
What we got was a year of physical agony for my husband and one of emotional anguish for me. A sort of reverse lottery, a Pandora’s box we wished had never been opened.
Today, I read this in the Read Aloud Family by Sarah McKenzie
“… there can be no courage when there is no adversity, no virtue in staying without the temptation to run away. There can be no honor when there is no opportunity to sin.”
Colectomy surgery has given us ample opportunities to fortify our courage, test our virtue and choose honor.
Watching my husband recover with such stoicism has filled me with awe, respect and admiration.
Watching me care for him has filled him with the impregnable certainty that I was here to stay… forever.
Our spirit has been strengthened.
Our love tempered.
Ma Ingalls (who endured her own share of struggles), liked to say:
“There is no great loss without some small gain.”
We lost a great deal in daily conveniences and comforts but we have gained ten folds in bonding and joy.
My husband will never eat broccoli (his favorite vegetable) or salad ever again. He’ll probably need some form of medication for the rest of his life. He may never more sleep through the night but he’s alive. He can still train. He can still teach. Formally in his weekly martial arts classes and annual seminars. Informally, every day by the way he simply lives.
He teaches us about gentleness and using your gifts to make the world a better place.
He teaches us about goodness, grit and gratitude.
Three years now, that I’ve watched him and learned.
Learned that you choose to be who you are despite circumstances.
Learned that the human spirit is indomitable.
Learned that I love him for who he is and who I am with him.
In October 2015, my husband had the first of two surgery to remove his entire large intestine. Although, both procedures ultimately went well, he suffered from many complications post surgery. The recovery process has been a long one.
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Congratulations to both of you for being able to be so resilient and courageous.
And, twenty years, already: congratulations for this too.
Your daughter has two formidable fighter parents (an obvious pun here :))…) as models.
Take care,
friendly yours,
Magalie
Merci! Contente de ta visite sur mon blog. 🙂
Wow! Beautifully written, and I’m so excited to see this post from you! I hope that you had just as good of a time writing it as I did reading it 🙂
Thank you!