Essay 117: Is it my fault that I suffer from depression?

I usually make a point to not discuss religion or politics. I pride myself in having friends from all walks of life. I have friends who are on welfare and friends who are CEO of multi million dollar companies. I have friends who are agnostics and friends who are devoutly religious. I have Muslim friends, Christian friends of various denominations, Buddhist friends, Jewish friends. I have friends who believe in gay marriage and friends who oppose it. I have friends who are pro life and friends who are pro choice. I have friends who are Republicans and friends who are Democrats. I have friends who are anti guns and friends who go to the shooting range every weekend. I have friends who homeschool and friends who public/private school.

I was raised by a Catholic mother and a Muslim father. I received the honor of reading the Coran aloud at our local mosque. I also went to Church on weekends and could recite the Lord’s prayer by heart.

I have witnessed despicable sin and laudable virtue carried out in the name of religion both in my personal life and in studying world’s history.

I have made up my mind and changed my mind on enough occasions to have long ago ceased to attempt persuading people to believe as I do. It is indeed impossible to convince anyone of anything. Even seeds of the best quality may not thrive in soil that is not ready.

I seek to influence rather than to convince.
I strive to lead by the example of my actions.
I do not preach because I do not purport to have discovered the one and only way to joy, contentment, and truth.

I am not you. You are not me.

I welcome those who want to benefit from what I have thus far learned and I seek those who can teach me more.
I give people space to make their own mistakes: we often learn more from our failures than from our successes.
I now more readily forgive.
I am no longer fettered by others’ opinion of me.
I have finally embraced the wisdom shared long ago by my beloved Muslim grandfather: “Do not mind your fellow human being’s judgement. God knows your heart.”

I invest my energy in finding my own path and discovering the best use of my talents to contribute to the world. I don’t feel the need to enlist others. I am no prophet.

I am also no saint. When others prophesy to me, I am befuddled. If it happens again and again, I get annoyed. In my experience it is usually those who are the least satisfied with their own life or struggling under the weight of their own sins who are the most eager to recruit and convert, their own fear and arrogance disguised as piety. Their Motus Operandus is thus summarized: “If I tell YOU what to do often enough, maybe I will finally do it myself. If I can convince you, maybe I’ll convince myself. If I can get you on board, maybe God will forgive me.”

Whatever the reasons, and I do believe that, in some cases, they are indeed of the pious variety, it becomes burdensome to carry on relationships with such people. When all conversations invariably converge back to their agenda, and you are no longer seen as a sentient being but as someone to save, the atmosphere becomes rather unpleasant.

In response to my last essay, in which I disclosed that I had started taking anti-depressants, someone commented that, instead of ingesting the little blue pill (i.e Zoloft), I should turn my life over to Christ. The same person had previously declared that religious conversion (to her own faith obviously) would be the cure for all of my husband’s health issues.

Does she mean that no Christ follower ever contracted a disease nor died from one?
Do heathen hold a monopoly on sickness?
Do those ascribing to her religious beliefs never take medications?
Is undergoing surgery an act of heresy?
I know she has visited the ER.
I know she has used ointments and pills for various ailments.
If hospitals, doctors, and all medicine have not become obsolete for her, why would anti-depressants not be the proper treatment for me?

Does God have no hand in medical advances? Does He not provide practical remedies to mend our earthly bodies, just as He can heal our souls?

Uneducated comments such as hers promote shame and guilt in those who suffer from mental health issues. “You feel sadness and despair because you do not love God or you do not love Him well enough.” In other words, “It’s your fault,” says she. As if God was a vain creature, who requires adoration and a stroking of His ego to provide solace and comfort to those in need.

It is so naive to believe and dangerous to advertise that true Faith will absolve us of all pain, that once Jesus (or Allah, or Buddha) works IN you, there is no work required OF you.

Was Mother Theresa wrong in dedicating her life to help the poor and the sick?
Was Ghandi wrong in taking a stance for Freedom?

Faith is not the opposite of action. We are not intended to meekly wait for God’s design to unfold. Faith is the fuel to power our actions. We are called to do everything that is in our power to help God’s design unfold. And that starts with being of sound mind and body. Chemical imbalances are as real as broken bones. The use of anti-depressants to heal from depression ought to be encouraged and commanded. Thank God for them!

God gave us all free will. (All religions seem to at least agree on that.)
I won’t let anyone take it away from me.

These are my beliefs. I am not trying to convince or convert. I encourage you to hold on to the beliefs that serve you and the world and to let go of those that hinder and hurt. Above all do not push your beliefs on others.