Essay 147: Why is Parenting so Hard?

Regardless of what one believes about its creation, there is no doubt that the universe follows a wondrous order. Stars, orbits, tides, sunrises, sunsets, the way ants and bees work… It is not only awe inspiring, it actually makes sense.

Human beings follow milestones of development as well but, as a parent, I can’t say that I always see the logic in all of it.  

Why do tired babies resist falling asleep? Why do toddlers revel in saying No? Why do Kindergartners insist on doing chores they are unable to physically accomplish but perfectly capable tweens don’t even offer to help? And why, or why do teenagers act like… well… teenagers?

We may be intentional in deciding to have children but we have no say in the kind of children we get. We cannot predetermine their physical traits. We cannot choose their character traits. We cannot guarantee their health nor their lifespan. 

According to Gretchen Rubins’ Four Tendencies, I am a questioner, which she defines thus: Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense; essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations—“I’ll comply—if you convince me why”.

This is enlightening. Because I don’t understand why parenting has to be this way, I have a hard time dealing with it! Consequently, I have often tried to find answers to those whys. One answer is that parenting is simply a microcosm, within which we become better equipped to deal with the bigger world.  

Parenting stretches us way past our comfort zone. 
Physically, as we endure the sleep deprivation of the early years. 
Emotionally, as we navigate between pride of, worry about, and frustration with our progeny. 
Spiritually, as we acknowledge the tremendous privilege of having created (or adopted) tiny humans and the enormous responsibility put upon our shoulders to keep them alive and prepare them for the world. 

Parenting teaches us to deal with what IS. 
I have spent much time and energy wishing for things to be different. 
Wishing for a baby who didn’t cry for hours on end. 
Wishing for a toddler who wasn’t constantly on the move. 
Wishing for a child who didn’t babble incessantly. 
Wishing for a teenager who isn’t challenging every one of our rules. Turns out SHE is a questioner too!

I have learned that it is much more productive to lean into acceptance and look for the gift within the challenge. 
That baby laughed a lot too. 
That tireless toddler never once threw a tantrum. 
That talkative child made us laugh until our belly ached and tears streamed down our faces. 
And the teenager? She amazes us daily. She bakes. She cooks. She even helps with our business now. She is sweet, she is smart, and she is kind!

Parenting instills perseverance and dedication. Quitting is not an option. We’re in it for the long haul and we must stay the course. 

“If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time.” Steve Job

What takes more time than raising a child? What greater success is there?