I just heard a man tell a story to illustrate how insecure he was, how much he cared about the opinion of his peers and how that caused him to act contrary to his true self well into his early adulthood. It got me wondering. How do we become ourselves? What makes us, us?
Any parent of more than one child knows that babies are born with their very own personality. I realized very early on that my daughter was not going to be molded by me but mined. She wasn’t a chunk of clay that I could shape at my whim. She was a gem. My job as her mother was to manage the quarry.
A quick Google Search describes mining as the following 5 step process:
- Exploration: mapping out the locations of valuable mineral
- Discovery: doing all of the preliminary work necessary before the actual mining can start (permitting, environmental and market studies, etc.)
- Development: building, processing, managing“Once the plan has been confirmed, the real work can begin. This is the longest stage of the process so far, and can take anywhere from 10-20 years before the mine is ready for production, depending on the site size.”
- Production:
surface mining in which soil and rock overlaying the mineral is removed.
Underground mining, in which digging is used to extract or excavate ores. - Reclamation: the mining site must be closed down safely and repurposed to become useful.
I couldn’t help but notice the parallel with raising children!
Planning a pregnancy is the beginning of the exploration process, which happens well before conception. Nobody decides to have a baby without believing it will enrich their life. Conversations between the parents-to-be usually revolve around:
- process- natural conception, adoption, in-vitro or surrogate use?
- location- Do we need to move to a new home or even a new state or country?
- timing: are we ready now, in one year, or five?
Whenever the tiny stranger you planned for is placed in our arms, discovery begins. As weeks turn into months, we are going to become an expert on our baby. He won’t say a word and yet we will figure out what he needs, what he likes and dislikes, when he’s tired, when he’s hungry, when he’s hurting.
The time then comes when watching him, feeding him, soothing him will no longer be enough and we’ll need to step into the development phase, which indeed will last at least 20 years! But thankfully, in humans, production happens somewhat simultaneously though not all at once.
Some layers will be easy to access. Having noticed little Jane’s fascination for music, we sign her up for violin classes and she flourishes. We nurture Little Jo’s artist bend by buying canvas and paint brushes.
Other layers will require digging. Why does Jane never sit still? What are we supposed to do about Jo’s stubborn streak?
Little by little more character traits emerge. Some we kindle. Others we attempt to contain. But remember: we cannot turn an emerald into a ruby. Our job is to turn the rock we got into the gem it is. Our job is to shape it in the most becoming fashion, polish it to a dazzling shine and send it into the world to bring light and joy.
To quote Charlotte Mason: “Children are born persons”.
I do believe that we are born ourselves but it has been my experience that we also become ourselves.
Some of our traits are immutable: I will never be 5 foot 7. But we have a lot of leeway in the development of both our body and mind. We can gain muscle, practice flexibility. We can train our voices and attune our ears. We can increase our intelligence.
I was once an immature, insecure, angry person. I have changed. Part of the change is simply the result of time passed and life lived but mostly it has been hard earned. I took over the mining process of my own self and have persistently sought to develop into a more patient and confident woman, completing cycle after cycle of exploration, discovery, development, production, and reclamation.
I have looked within. I have identified riches worth digging for. I have done the work.
I removed layers of trauma and fear. I dug deep through therapy. I repurposed my weaknesses and made them useful. Then I moved on to another area and started the process all over again. And again. And again. The goal is to never stop.
The potential within each one of us is greater than we can imagine. Just as we might have walked over dirt unaware of the gold buried below, we can be oblivious to the riches buried inside our hearts and souls.
On the one hand we must learn to accept and love ourselves as we are.
On the other hand, we must not be satisfied to stay as we are.
This is how I see it: only when we are willing to fully and completely be ourselves, can we become our best selves.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Polonius’ advice to his son in Shakespeare’s Hamlet
Care to chime in? Tell me in the comments what you think makes us, us. Thank you for reading.
Phenomenal!! Mining- outstanding. ❤️❤️