Essay 116: Do antidepressants work?

Today marks exactly two months since the last essay I wrote. Much has changed since then. My past remains unaltered but I am building a new relationship with it. The present is once again enjoyable. The future doesn’t look so scary.

In the past eight weeks, I have surfaced from “the depths of despair”. I am not quite flying high in the skies, but the wobbly, shaky feelings have subsided and I am, once again, firmly grounded. I am no longer flailing but anchored into my life.

What happened?

A visit to a psychologist.
A visit to a psychiatrist.
A trip to the drugstore.
A purchase of prescription medication.
A daily intake of a tiny blue pill.
A regulating of brain chemicals and hormones.
A healing from the inside out.

I started taking Zoloft (Sertraline), a SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) antidepressant also known to reduce anxiety and I don’t remember ever feeling better in my whole life.

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with depression and for almost as long, I’ve resisted taking prescription medications. Not because I was ashamed. Nor because I was afraid of being stigmatized. I was very concerned about the potential side effects after all the horror stories I’d heard. When you suffer from anxiety, the decision to take medicine is just one more thing to be anxious about but the day finally came when the side effects of NOT taking medication seemed more frightening. However reluctant I was to “pop a pill”, I saw no other options. I had tried everything else already.

Within a week, my despondency had dissipated. I danced in the living room with my daughter. I caught myself laughing on occasion. A friend commented on my increased energy level.

Within a month, the tangle of dark thoughts in my brain had unraveled and joy was seeping in. A few days ago, I snuggled up with my husband and told him: “I’m happy.” Words that had not escaped my lips in so long, we had almost lost hope.

I don’t wake up with an overwhelming sense of dread.
I don’t get frustrated or annoyed as easily.
I am more productive, more energetic, and more fun.
I am more interested and more interesting.

It’s apparently unusual to feel such drastic improvement so fast (says my psychiatrist) and I did experience some mild side effects at first: dizziness immediately after taking the pill, diarrhea for a few days, reduced appetite. Within two weeks however, they had all subsided (even the reduced appetite which I didn’t mind at all!).

For some of us, the essential self-care tools of exercise, proper diet and sleep are simply not enough. Reading self-help books is not enough. Meditating is not enough.
For some of us, a little blue pill is the key to the toolbox, the prerequisite for anything else to work.

I do still work out 5-6 times/week.
I eat well.
I prioritize an early bedtime.
I am enjoying my yoga practice more than ever.
I am committed to continued talk therapy.

But I needed more and there is no shame in that. I actually wish I had taken that step sooner.

Do antidepressants work?

They sure do for me!

This essay was written on October 13th, 2019. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, I highly recommend you consider talking to a specialist about the right medication for you. Please share if you think this may help someone else.