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Essay 34: A letter to my daughter: on boys and men

I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy now.
I want you to be happy tomorrow.
And more than anything, I want you to be happy when you’re all grown up.

I love you.
I love you as best I can.
Someday, it will be time for someone else to love you too.
To love you in ways I can’t.
To love you, long after I am no longer here.

You are only six yet I often imagine your wedding day. I picture you, a radiant woman, walking down the aisle. I picture myself, sitting in the front row, tears streaming down to my beaming smile, my hand holding tight to your father’s hand. We are sad. We are happy.

I cannot see the face of The One waiting for you by the altar but I know exactly who I want him to be. I want him to be a MAN.

Not a mediocre boy who can barely take care of himself.
Not a self centered self absorbed boy who only looks for his own benefit.
Not a weak boy who can’t handle life’s challenges.

Don’t pick a boy.
Pick a Man.
And remember looks may be deceiving. From afar, a boy may look like a man. You’ll have to be discerning…

A man will want you for eternity.
He will want you to be his,
Not to own,
But to keep.

A man will not ask to borrow…
Not your body.
Nor your heart.

A man will honor you
Cherish you
Protect you.

A man will want you by his side always.
And because he’s your man, there’s nowhere you’ll rather be.

A man will promise you his life.
He will love you better than you can love yourself.

A man will be strong yet gentle.
He will be wise but never cease to learn.

And you. You can be the woman this man’s heart desires.

Not a foolish girl who wastes her mind.
Not a foolish girl who defiles her body.
Not a foolish girl who loans out her heart.

Just as you must wait for a boy to transform into a man (beware some never do), you must be patient and nurture the girl you are so she can blossom into a woman.

A woman who will want him for eternity.
Who will want to be his,
Not owned,
But adored.

A woman who will give her all…
All her body.
All her heart.

A woman who will honor him
Cherish him
Respect him.

A woman who will keep him by her side always and make it so there’s no place he’ll rather be.

A woman who will be strong yet gentle.
Who will be wise but never cease to learn.

A woman who will not take selfishly
But give generously.

A woman who will love him better than he can love himself.

And you. You can be the woman who waits for the Man her heart truly desires.

Not a foolish girl who cares only about herself.
Not a foolish girl who’s shallow inside.
Not a foolish girl who only thinks of today and spoils her tomorrows.
Foolish girls end up alone.

This is what I imagine.

A woman and her man.
A man and his woman.
You!

This is what I imagine.

A woman and a man.
Joined. Hearts, minds and bodies.
You build each other up.
You advance through life. Together.
You are stronger. Together.
You are better. Together.
You are happier. Together.

You are together. Forever.


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