I have just finished reading The Paper Bag Christmas. With each chapter, my heart swelled up until it finally burst open and I lay sobbing in my bed. A Christmas miracle had jumped from the pages into my heart.
I sensed my true essence.
I wanted to bottle it up for safe keeping.
I wanted to open it up for free sharing.
As the tears rolled down my cheeks and my sniffles grew louder, a clear image of who I could be floated in my mind’s eye. I saw myself: un-hurt; un-scarred; un-scared. It was beautiful.
Between two big squeezes of my chest heaving and more and more wet drops on my pillow, I saw a glimpse of possibility. Call it a “near-life-experience”. In a split second my future flashed in front of me.
One without judging, without yelling, without fearing.
I felt how Love could truly transform me.
I felt how letting go – not holding on- was my surest way to safety.
At my feet, I saw a jumbled up pile of my doubts, worries and anxiety.
I felt lighter.
I don’t want to pick them back up. They do not serve me.
I don’t want to release them into the world. They abound around me.
I believe that the delicious pain I experienced, immersed in a simple Christmas story, connected me to my very soul.
Can this feeling last?
Do I dare surrender and trust in the magic?
Will I choose to lay my burden down and buoyantly float up to the surface to gaze at the beautiful starry sky or will I hold on to stress and continue to sink ever further into the abysses of angst?
My heart can break under pressure or it can grow.
My spirit can shrink when faced with the inevitable hardships of life or it can expand.
As this year ends and a new one begins, so I hope a new me can emerge.
May I hold on to the peace I felt tonight.
May my heart stay calm and true.
May Christmas continue to work its miracles for me and you.
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WOW. WOW. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes to this, yes to this!!!
Yes to your True Essence.
Yes to safe keeping (did I understand that correctly?) and free sharing.
Yes to the clear image of who you could be and who you are.
Yes to this near-life experience.
Yes to moving towards a life without judging, without yelling, without fearing.
Yes to being transformed by love.
Yes to letting go as the surest way to safety.
Yes to feeling lighter.
Yes to living connected to your very soul.
Yes to surrender.
Yes to trust.
Yes to laying down burdens.
Yes to growing our hearts and expanding our spirits.
Yes to a new beginning in a new year.
Yes to a heart that is calm and true.
Yes to your essay!!! Wow, what a gift, what truth, Thank-you Sarah, this is right on the nail. And I have already requested the book from the library 🙂 YOUR words and reflections are as powerful to me as those books, but thank-you also for reminding me how powerful books are and pointing me back towards those that uplift and speak truth. What you wrote is so true. Yes there is laundry to be done (to continue quoting you, hehe), but this is what it’s about. Merry Christmas to a wonderful person inside and out!!!!!!
I have a small confession to make, my name isn’t Sonya, I always use that name online to protect my privacy, but it feels inauthentic in this space. Sonya is the name of a dear childhood friend, my next door neighbor growing up. My name is Jessica. Nice to meet you again!
Merry Christmas Jessica! ❤️
Merry Christmas!!❤
This is truly a special book. I got to read it a few nights ago, and wanted to thank-you for the recommendation. I’m making a note to give it as a Christmas gift next year. Also inspiring me to seek out more books like this 🙂